Scheduling this induction is such a foreign concept to me since everything just naturally happened with Nico. The basis of this decision is that my doctor feels that once the baby is around the due date, especially with a history of unexplained pregnancy loss, it's best to just get her outta there. She specifically picked Sunday-Monday because that's when she's on call. The benefits outweigh the risks in her mind. It seems like the only downsides to inducing are a higher chance of a C-section and longer labor.
I do feel a little hesitant about messing with a process that, in my mind, is supposed to come naturally when the baby and my body are ready. In a way, I'm questioning if I'm messing with the universe and God's timing of all of this. I love and greatly respect this doctor though, so I can't help but follow her lead. (Although, I'm still betting on this happening before Sunday...)
Everything is measuring perfectly as it should. My weight was about the same as last time (+27), which was shocking considering how huge and swollen I feel. The baby's HR was in the 120's over Doppler. I did casually mention to her that I felt that there was a little less movement these past few days than usual, but it could just be being my paranoid self. She hooked me up to a heart monitor to take a look for reassurance. Over a 20 minute span, the HR bounced around as expected without any concerns.
(And go figure, the little one kept me up all night with a crazy amount of movement and the most intense contractions yet! At one point, I thought that this was the real deal. Unfortunately, the only thing that really came of last night was sleep deprivation though!)
It's funny how I have known that this could happen any day now, but now being on the schedule for Sunday has put this all into a new perspective. It's as if it's SO much more real now and on another level. I found myself getting emotional last night for my last sleepover with Nico as my only child. (We do Monday night sleepovers while David is at hockey, and Nico always gets so thrilled for this special, quality time to cuddle up with me and chat the night away.) For 5 years now, we have poured our hearts and souls into this little boy, and despite being so thrilled for our new addition, I just can't help but feel some sadness and guilt that now our time, efforts, and love will have to be shared. He even asked me last week if I will love his baby sister more than him. That broke my heart to think that that was even a question in his mind. He's just been our world, so to know that our world will be changing and attention will be divided brings out mixed emotions for this hormonal, pregnant lady. I don't want to miss out on a single cute, little detail of either of them growing up because of my time being divided.
With all of that being said, that is the main reason why I continue to keep up with this blog. This is the best way that I know to freeze the moments in time that matter the most to me. I can only imagine how special it will come many years down the road when the memories of my sweet little ones have begun to fade. I want to always remember these days, because they are simply the best. And they are about to get even better!...........
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