I'm finally sitting down to write ALL about you. I kinda feel bad. You aren't even born and the mom guilt has started. This likely will be one of the many future topics that you will claim to feel cheated on by being the second child. (Don't pay attention to the fact that I had an update every week for your brother.) And it's not that I haven't been as excited, because I swear that I am overjoyed, maybe moreso than ever before. It's just that despite the multiple ultrasounds, great reports from doctors, and the feeling of your movement, it just hasn't all hit me yet that this is very real and IS happening! For the first many months, we couldn't help but have the realization in the back of our minds that things don't always work out. It was a mental tug-of-war between being so excited yet so cautious. You have been our no hitter going into the last inning. And not to mention, when you meet your energetic big brother, you'll know why my free time and energy have both been zapped.
By the time you're old enough to read this, you'll know what an amazing miracle you are to us, because we did suffer a loss about two years ago. There was a time when I didn't have much confidence that we may have another baby. It broke my heart to think about that. There were many tears as well as many prayers sent to the big guy up above just hoping for another chance. It was hard to watch the many people around us get pregnant. I became bitter. After quite a while of trying for you, we had to have a little help from the medical field. I found out that my left fallopean tube was inflammed and partially blocked, which wasn't exactly helping our odds. Another few months later, when I braved it out to pursue other options to help us, I found out that my body possibly wasn't even ovulating, or even giving us a chance to meet you. We were going up the plate every month to hit without a bat in our hands. I was put on a medicine to help wake everything up down there and stimulate the release of my eggs. This was a frightening experience to be on such a serious medication that also came with a laundry list of side effects. I did become pretty cranky (don't remind your daddy of this time) and had bouts of light sensitivity. It once became bad enough that I couldn't watch tv without sunglasses on. Yeah, seriously, what the heck?! Every few weeks, I had my progesterone level checked and also an ultrasound to see what was going on in there. It was always so reassuring to see that a few eggs had been produced (especially when they were on the "good" side) and that everything looked alright. We had our fighting chance back.
You came to be on only our third try of all of that! I can honestly say that I had an especially good feeling about this third try, as the "good" right side looked the best for this round that it had thus far. I'm not sure if it's extremely cool or partially weird that I viewed half of your composition as just an egg merely a few days before you were made. Who knows how far science will continue to come in your lifetime, but I'm extremely thankful that it gave us this little boost. The two week waiting game was torturous, but I started to have suspicions about you a little bit early. I decided to take a pregnancy test on Oct 9, the morning of ACL Festival. I couldn't bear to drink all day with the thought of possibly being pregnant in the back of my mind. And there it was, the moment I had been longing for...
It was all so surreal. Plenty of mixed emotions between being ecstatic, staying reserved, and everything in between.
We went to our first doctor's appt on Oct 22. I was hoping this would be a perfect early birthday present! There were more mixed emotions, but mostly optimistic vibes. Going into the appt and knowing that I couldn't be very far along, I read online that there was a decent chance of not being able to see the baby yet. At least I was prepared for that idea, since that was the case. We did see the yolk sac forming on the ultrasound, which the doctor was very positive about, but it was still a weird, unsettling feeling to technically not see a baby!
I came back 1 week later, and as Dr. Breedlove had predicted, there you were... a tiny 4 mm blob! We heard the heartbeat for the very first time. One of the best moments ever. We were an estimated 6 weeks along with a June 23 due date.
We were referred to a specialist, Dr. Horton, just to get her blessing as Dr. Breedlove called it and get another in depth set of eyes on our case. The best part about going to see her was the opportunity for extra ultrasounds! You measured 9 weeks along, and everything looked great. Your HR was strong at 178 bpm. Our due date was moved up a week to June 17 based on the measurement here, so that's what we have stuck with! She had an extensive amount of blood drawn (11 tubes?!) of multiple different genetic markers and antibodies to see if there were any blood related issues, since a prominent cause of unknown second trimester miscarriages can be linked to those. I remember the lab being so confused and not even recognizing some of the coding for what she wanted done. All of that came back normal, and she was confident that she had ruled out everything she could think of. She put me on a baby aspirin as a preventative.
I got to come back every couple weeks for appts through this first trimester, and the reassurance was great to have, especially since I was feeling so good and not really having any classic pregnancy symptoms. I had a little nausea at night, just like with Nico, but it was so minimal that I couldn't even complain about it. I was actually welcoming of any nausea, as it was the only hope of still being pregnant that I had to hold onto! I decided to stick with the specialist for a few more appts, as Dr. B was out for maternity leave. I wanted to feel comfortable with someone at this point and not just be thrown around different substitute doctors within the main clinic.
I had another ultrasound to see you on December 1. This was the funniest, coolest ultrasound I've ever had. I won't ever forget it, and I wish that we either had it on video or that your daddy could have seen it. You kept flipping over, blocking your face with both hands, and you even slid down the ulterus and kicked off the side wall. It's like you were playing on a little playground in there. I couldn't stop smiling and laughing, and I insisted at this point that you must be a boy! You measured 11.5 weeks along today.
For the next 2 week checkup, you measured 13.5 weeks along with a HR in the 150's. This ultrasound wasn't as exciting, and in fact, left me feeling nervous. Apparently my placenta was contracting, which they said was normal, but it looked so awkward! You were crammed into the corner and wouldn't get out for us to see you much. For this reason, we didn't even get a clear picture to take home! Your brother had leaped on my stomach the day before this appt, and I was having some right sided aches, so between that and the akward looking ultrasound, I couldn't help but worry until the next appt. Gah!
It was about 3 more weeks before the next appt, in which I went back to the OB office. I had been spoiled enough by the frequent specialist visits and ultrasounds, and they really weren't necessary at this point. Plus, they came with a price tag! On Dec 22, our early Christmas present was to hear your heartbeat over the doppler this time. It came in around 150-160. All was good.
We made news of you official to our extended family and friends in our Christmas card!
January 4 was a big mental victory and milestone for us by having a great 16 week ultrasound! You measured about 16 weeks and 4 days with a HR of 147. You were so active again and waved your hands around. When you gave me the thumbs up, I saw this as a way of you signalling to us that you had this covered and all was going to be alright. I have actually referenced that moment multiple times since. I'm in love with you already, and we captured a really cute profile picture of your sweet little face. Call us crazy, but we had the intention of not finding out your gender. All I wanted was for you to be healthy, so the gender was such a low priority. I had convinced myself that waiting until your birth would be the surprise of a lifetime, but on this day, my impatient, type A, planner self took over, and I didn't hesitate to ask the ultrasound technician if she could tell your gender at the first chance I could get. As karma would have it, she couldn't tell! She said that she really didn't think she could see anything between the legs, but she couldn't guarantee that with full confidence. What torture. That's what I get for asking!
Later into January, I began to feel you move!! Yaaaay!! I haven't taken one single flutter for granted since, and I get so excited every time I can feel that. Even if it involves sharp pain up in my ribs, your movement is one of the highlights of my every single day. Daddy was able to feel you move for the 1st time too and was completely weirded out, just like with Nico. I give him a hard time that he doesn't have to do anything for these 9 months, but he doesn't even want to take 1 minute to feel you every now and then? You'll learn that boys can be weird and aggravating.
With the big 20 week ultrasound coming up, we decided it was a good time to tell your big brother of the news. Ironically, he has been talking a lot lately about wanting to have his own baby. I'm not sure what has prompted him to talk so much about it, whether it's the books we read or the fact that some of his neighborhood buddies now have new siblings. A few nights lately during bedtime, he has told me all about wanting to hold, rock, and feed his own baby. It's like he knows you've been here as a part of us all along.
We told him that we had a big surprise for him, and then I handed him an ultrasound picture of you. He wasn't sure what it was at first, so I told him that it was a baby... and it was in my belly. He immediately got big eyes and said, "We are having a baby??!" He was so surprised. When I asked him if he was happy, he smiled and said, "Yes! REALLY happy!"
I showed him a video online of what an ultrasound was like so that he could understand where the picture of you came from. Despite seeming to understand that we were having a baby, it's like he had a sudden epiphany right then and there. He yelled, "Daddy, the baby is in mommy's tummy... RIGHT NOW!" Haha. He then talked more about the things that he could teach you and what he could do to help. I told him that he should make some artwork for your room, so he quickly went to get some paper and a pen. I showed him my belly and he gave it an impromptu kiss. When I told him how sweet that was, he replied with, "Yeah, I love it already!!" You're gaining a pretty awesome big brother. I can't wait to see the bond between you two. For the next few hours, he asked about you every 5 minutes and if you have moved. He suddenly became extra sensitive to Miley being around my belly too and made her stay away.
Our big 20 week ultrasound on February 2 was awesome! We could tell right away that you are indeed a GIRL! We would be lying if we didn't admit to secretly hoping for you to be a girl. We went through your full anatomy and everything looked as it should! Such a breath of fresh air. To be able to view the details of the chambers of your heart, ventricles in your brain, vertebrae in your spine, and each and every organ is amazing. You have been perfectly made, and I'm thanking God every day for that.
It's a special thing that you will have all four of your grandparents around to spoil and love on you.
We started getting your nursery ready soon after all of this recent news and also bought the cutest clothes for you. I can't wait to dress you up in some of them and channel an inner girly side that I often don't bring out! I already had most of the detailed ideas of exactly how I wanted your room to be. It was just a matter of a lot of painting and shopping once we confirmed that you are a girl!
We had your 24 week doctor's apt in early March, and it consisted of a quick measurement and doppler. You have been moving around so much lately, and I'm loving it! All was good on the doctor's end with a HR of 143. My belly measured about 25.5 weeks this week, and I have gained 12 lbs thus far, so you and I are coming right along, little one.
We revealed your name on March 4 to the family through David's famous name game...
Word Bank:
Paulina Stacy Julianne Faith Katie Victoria
Emma Catherine Alexa Laura Caroline Anne
Christina LaTavia Diana Michelle Maggie Candice
**Some names may be used once, twice, or not as all
Please fill in the blank.
1. Born on 14/10/1979 _________________ Keibler is a Model/Actress/Wrestler
2. Born on 19/12/1988 _________________ is the daughter of the "GreatOne"
3. Born on 14/09/1964 _________________ Ford starred alongside K. Rippa in Faith and Hope
4. Born 01/07/1961 ______________________ Former Princess of Wales was born.
5. Born 20/10/1988 __________________ Swanepoel is a South African Victoria Secrets Model
6. Born 03/12/1960 ___________________ Moore won an Academy Award for Still Alice
7. Born 01/06/1455 ____________________ of Savoy
8. Born 05/11/1983 ___________________ Chung was Editor of British Vogue
9. Born 06/11/1988 ___________________ Stone played Peter Parkers love interest in Amazing Spider Man 1 and 2
10. Born 01/03/1683 _____________________ of Ansbach
11. Born 18/12/1978 ____________________ Holmes for better lack of sanity married Tom Cruise
12. Born 12/07/1978 _____________________ Rodriguez "tough girl" who starred in Lost and the Fast and Furious movies
13. Born on 09/07/1983 ____________________ El Moussa is 1/2 of HGTV's Flip or Flop
14. Born on 05/02/1964 ____________________ Linney played Jim Carey's love interest in The Truman Show
Clues:
1. Christmas, New Years, Founders, Thanksgiving, Memorial, Labor
2. Carpe Diem
3. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Soup
I personally thought this was wayyyy too hard of a game, but a verdict was eventually reached! Filling in the blanks with the word bank was just a decoy, as the real clues were found in the dates. When you took the day of each question (as clue 1 and 2) were leading to, you then translated that to the letter of the alphabet (as clue 3 was leading to). Once that was accomplished, you then had to come up with the first and middle names from the scrambled letters. See, a lot of thinking was involved here.
And by now, you know the answer .... N A T A L I E F R A N C E S!!! We just love your name and have for a while now.
A few more weeks passed, and your 28 week doctor's appt was already here! Oh, how time is flying right along. We measured right around 28 weeks along, and you had strong heartbreat on the doppler. I also received a Rhogam shot, pertussus vaccination, and took the 1 hour glucose test.
I found out later that day that I had to come back for the three hour test, because I failed the one hour test. Total bummer!!! I spent the next few days exercising and eating extra healthy. I even skipped eating birthday cake and ice cream for David's birthday out of fear of possibly having gestational diabetes. Fortunately, I ended up passing the three hour test a few days later. Phew!
In more exciting news, we have your room just about completed!!!!! Putting your room together has made all of this seem a little more real. I peek in there every day, and it's become my happiest place in our home. I feel like the pictures don't even do it justice, because it seems so much cuter and cozier to me in person.
We are so proud of this room especially because we put a lot of our own love and sweat into it- from painting the walls to refurbishing the dresser and table. Deciding on the wall paint color was actually a beating. Look at all of the samples we went through!
The colors looked different over our beige paint compared to in the store, so we (and by we, I mean David) had to prime the room... twice. He then had to paint two coats of grey. It's a good thing that we love how it turned out!
Building your crib was fun and frustrating (mostly fun, I think?) with Nico and his toy tools. He wanted to help with it ALL! Thanks to Dave and Cindy for buying this beautiful crib!
He painted a few things for you too- your table (that used to be black and in his nursery) and a letter N to hang on the wall. You can tell that he takes these jobs very seriously! I felt that it was so very important for him to be a part of all of this! After all, he calls you his baby.
One of the most entertaining jobs was building my old 1987 Barbie dream house! Bet you won't meet anyone else that has one of these.
This weekend, we washed all of your clothes, and our little helper organized them in your dresser. We also organized his old baby clothes into bins to either keep for Ryan/Jessica, sell back to a resale store, or donate if they were more than a little worn. Nesting in full effect!
He was excited to help me pick out a few more outfits for you. When I held up some of the newborn clothes, he would genuinely say, "Awwww, look how cute and tiny those are!" He can't get over the size of these little newborn jean pants that you have. He keeps asking about what size you'll be and when you'll be able to do certain things.
Ever since we got this swing from my parents, Nico has been driving us nuts to put it together!
It works great!! It has multiple speeds and sounds to keep you entertained.
Well, that just about sums up the past 30+ weeks of you. Time is quickly moving along, and we only have 67 days until your due date! You can see that we are more than ready to meet you, love on you, hold you, and have you complete our little family. I hope that you always know how loved you are.
Here's to continued great times ahead in this journey together. (And I'll try not to get so far behind on your part of the blog again...)
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